It has been a constant back and forth for me over the last month or so on where this site and the podcast fit in my life. I know that sounds weird, since I just started the podcast, but hopefully I can sum up what my thoughts are and where I am with everything and maybe, just maybe explain a little bit about why this will be my final blog post, at least here. And for now.
Life is a whirlwind of change. That’s what I have decided. Circumstances are in a constant state of flux. When I started this blog four years ago, I saw it as an outlet and a way to get me writing, something I enjoy. It was supposed to be a place where I could write whatever I wanted, and make no apologies. It was supposed to be a hobby. Then some people started reading, and I started caring. I still enjoy writing, and to a certain extent, I still enjoy writing on this blog. It’s just not as much as it used to be. It has become a weekly task to put together a post, and I feel pressure to get it in on a deadline, and I stress myself out when I don’t and that makes me freeze, and basically, I have issues.
That is to say, that this was never what this was supposed to be for me. I want to write what I want to write, and I want to do it when I want to do it. I guess, the biggest problem is I never really established upfront what this was all supposed to be about. I never had a vision. If I were to do this again, down the road at some point, I would have in my mind a firm vision of what I wanted it to be.
That’s not to say there haven’t been things I really enjoy about all of this. I have enjoyed the interactions with other people, other geeks and the conversations I have had and the relationships I have built through all of this. That has been the best part, the people. You guys are all awesome. That’s the biggest reason I have kept it going for as long as I have, and the biggest reason it is hard to walk away right now.
But, I am walking away. I am still going to write, but I am going to focus on writing fiction. I will probably post it on my own personal blog, and maybe I’ll share that with people. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I won’t really share it a lot at first, but then I will later when I have more of it and I feel like I can. Not when I feel comfortable because that will never happen. In any case, I have always wanted to write stories, and that’s where I am going to focus my spare writing time at the moment.
And that’s where my other really big issue is right now. This is just a hobby, but it has started to feel like a lot more for me, especially with the podcast (which was fun, but may have been a mistake). As of right now, my spare time is at a premium. I don’t have a lot of it. Part of that is my full time job- which pays the bills, by the way- part of that is my family- which is like my whole reason for living- and another part of it recently has been my decision to return to school and get my masters. All of these things are important, and they all take a lot of time. I looked at my calendar the other day, and I realized I wasn’t sure how to fit in my podcast and blog time.
I suppose I could still keep doing this, but the quality would drop, and I don’t want that. Not again, any way. If I can’t put the time in to do it right, then I don’t want to do it. So, it’s time to step away. And, to be honest, it has been fun being the Geeky Mormon, but I have been feeling lately that this particular chapter in my life is probably coming to a close permanently. Not that I am going to stop being geeky, or stop being Mormon, I just think this site, and that persona has run its course. So while my stepping away from podcasting and blogging in this way may only be temporary, if I do come back, it will be something else. I don’t know what that is yet, but this really feels right to me right now.
So, where does that leave the site? It will still be here. I am not going to take it down, at least not for now. All the content will remain. The podcast too, at least for now. How long will my little break be? At least a year. That’s when I will hopefully finish up with school, and I can reevaluate at that time what I want to do. I imagine it will be longer before I come back to regularly blogging like this or podcasting, since currently, I’m not even sure what a return would look like, and I want to have a clear idea before I do it. Like, if I come back to podcasting, I want to do it right with at least one co-host, so you won’t have to listen to just me.
I know all of this seems sudden. I have been thinking about it for a long time. There have been plenty of times over the last four years where I have wanted to just give it all up, but this was the first time when it really felt right. I am so grateful to all the people who have read and visited the site over the years. I have enjoyed interacting with you and I have enjoyed meeting some of you at conventions and what not. It has been fun. I wish you all the best, and I’m not really sure how to end this post, so I am going to share a couple of videos. One is Chris Pratt’s MTV awards acceptance speech with nine pretty solid rules. The other is the music video for Little Changes by Frank Turner, which has been a favorite of mine lately. Thank you all again, and all my best.
The Geeky Mormon