Welcome to Warp 9.  It will be a regular feature here on The Geeky Mormon site.  It will be an opportunity to explore all things Star Trek.  It won’t always be a list, but rest assured it will never be a “top ten,” because our engines only reach Warp 9.

Today’s topic is Alien races.  Notice that list consists of my favorite, so naturally it is completely subjective.  The only thing I used in my ranking system was how much I liked a particular race.  That’s it.  Nothing fancy.  I’m not trying to win or even start any arguments.  I am just giving you my list.  Please feel free to disagree.  My feelings won’t be hurt, and I welcome the feedback.  We will be counting them down from least favorite to most favorite, but the least favorite will be labeled as Warp 1, while the most favorite will be Warp 9, because obviously, faster is better.  So, let’s begin.

Warp 1: The Cardassians

These guys make the list because I loathed them.  They were slimy, sleazy, double-crossing, brutal and overall not nice people.  Is it any wonder that they were cold-blooded and more closely related to reptiles?  They acted like walking talking snakes.  There was never once a Cardassian that appeared on the shows that made me think, “He seems like a nice fellow.  I would trust him with my life.”  Even when they were trying to be nice, I wanted them to get blown to smithereens.  Why are they on my list of favorite species?  Any show like Star Trek is only as good as its villains, and these guys were great villains.  They also get the award for ugliest heads in a galaxy full of ugly heads.  Congratulations, your prize is in the mail.

Warp 2: The Ferengi

In Star Trek: TNG I thought the Ferengi were pretty much the lamest race in the galaxy.  They were brutish, savage, stupid creatures whose heads looked like my backside with giant ears.  I really thought that this race was made up on a dare, or as a joke, back when no one was really taking TNG all that seriously.  The Ferengi were introduced as a primary antagonist early in the series, but it never stuck and I quickly lost interest.  Until DS9.  Quark changed my whole perception of this race.  Yes, they were still a rotten people, but somehow Quark made them more likable.  He was still super greedy, and I would never trust him with my money, because somehow it would end up becoming his money, but I would trust him to have my back if we were friends.  They were an interesting race, and it seems, commentary on a society based solely on making money.  In any case, they went from potential big scary bad guys to lovable little imps.

Warp 3: The Romulans

As a kid, in my head I always saw the Romulans as cousins of the Vulcans.  They had the same pointy ears, same bad haircuts, a more pronounced brow line, and weird emotions.  And a really bad sense of style.  I mean, yes, for the photo above, it was the late 80’s/ early 90’s, but even for that time frame, those shoulder pads are huge!  Who would design something like that and think that it was a great idea for a military uniform.  The Romulans were the consistent threat to the federation, so there are plenty of Romulan appearances throughout the Original Series and TNG, not to mention two movies so far that focus on the Romulans.  I always thought the Romulans were boring as a kid, but appreciated them more as i got older.  They make my list, if for no other reason, then for one reason alone: The Warbirds.  Coolest looking alien ship, in my opinion.

Warp 4: The Trill

What an interesting race, and one, like the Ferengi, that we get to know better after TNG in DS9. They’re really one race made up of two species, a symbiotic species and a host species.  The cool part, or horrible part, depending on the episode, was that the host had all the memories from the previous hosts.  This led to some interesting and awkward things in DS9, like the fact that Sisko always called Dax “old man,” even though she clearly wasn’t.  That’s because Sisko knew her previous host as an old man.  Or the episode where a former spouse of Dax’s comes aboard DS9, and the two women strike up the old flame against the laws of their hoemworld, risking exile.  Or when Jadzia died after marrying Worf, and the new Dax host shows up on DS9. These moments were all awkward, but they made for some interesting stories.  It was a very foreign concept to me, but intriguing.  I don’t think I would like the idea of either living throughout multiple lifetimes, or having someone else’s memories.  It makes me wonder how the Doctor does it…

Warp 5: The Bajorans

What can I say?  Despite my generally straight arrow approach to life, I love a good righteous rebel.  You know, the kind of rebel that is fighting against a rotten establishment.  That’s what the Bajoran’s are.  After years of slavery and oppression at the hands of the Cardassians, they are finally freed, looking to join the federation only to have the Federation make a treaty with the Cardassians.  Now they are supposed to live in peace with their old oppressors.  Not happening.  It was always amazing to me that there were so many Bajoran rebel cells.  It seems like between TNG and DS9, a new one was uncovered every other week.  I always identified with the Bajorans.  I don’t want to explore a bunch of other worlds.  I want a family and a farm and my religion.  Give me that, and I’m happy.  try to take it away from me, and I will probably rebel.

Warp 6: The Vulcans

The original aliens.  In the Star Trek Universe, these were the folk that made first contact with us, ushering in a new era for human kind.  Then they babysat us forever, until Captain Archer got them off our backs.  Of course, the original Vulcan was Spock.  A character who is a legend in the Star Trek Universe and with Trek fans everywhere.  More respected and loved than even Kirk, if i could be so bold.  The Vulcans, and Spock in particular, were necessary as a balance for Kirk and his recklessness.  Spock was always there to try to reel him in and get him to look at the situation logically.  Plus there’s the whole “Live long and prosper,” thing.

Warp 7: The Borg

The Borg were the boogeymen of the Star Trek Universe.  They were just plain creepy.  The idea that somewhere in this galaxy is a race of beings that have no sense of individual identities and only serve the hive mind and are more machine than organic being was just plain unsettling.  Then you throw in the idea that they are headed for Earth and they are nearly unstoppable, and it become terrifying.  Plus, they took down Picard.  Granted, he didn’t stay down, but they were more successful than anyone else at taking him out of the game.  Let’s face it, without Picard, mankind has no hope.  They were just so logical and analytical and uncaring.  They flew through space in a giant cube.  Not because it looked cool.  They did it because it made the most sense.  There is no creativity there, just utilitarianism.  Basically, they are the opposite of everything we believe in and hold true.  Like Communist Russia.

Warp 8: The Q Continuum

The only thing worse than this guy is knowing that he is not the only “Q” in the universe.  Q was basically a god with all the annoying attribute of that guy you can’t stand at work or at school who is better than everyone, and he knows it.  He was condescending and arrogant and rude and cruel.  And every episode he was in, I was glued to the TV.  There was just something fun about watching Picard and the Enterprise crew outsmart this guy.  It always made me feel like it was victory for the little guy, which is what I am, so it was a victory for me. However, if I could pick any race in the universe to have their powers or abilities, it would be the Q.

Warp 9: The Klingons

Sometimes allies, sometimes enemies, always looking for a fight.  That was how I viewed Klingons as I grew up watching Star Trek.  I loved the Klingons, and anytime I played Star Trek, I was always a Klingon.  Naturally, Worf was my favorite character on the show.  I loved any episode that explored the Klingon culture more thoroughly.  I kind of picture it as taking Vikings and throwing them into space and you have Klingons.  I love the idea of honor and the idea of living life to its fullest, so everyday is a good day to die.

Well, there’s my list.  Who did I miss?  Who would you put in the number 1 spot? Or in this case, the Warp 9 spot.  Let me know in the comments.  We would love to hear from you.